The key coaching skill of checking is tied to checking in on the underlying
limiting beliefs people have about themselves. The reason it is crucial to
check these is because limiting beliefs are the major inhibitor of us moving
forward, growing and changing. “We can’t behave inconsistent with what we
believe”, so if you have a low belief in your ability to perform, your actual
performance will be low and in line with how much you believe.
The beliefs we have about ourselves and others are developed in early
childhood and influenced by the following criteria;
Ø Your education; what you
were taught as a child about life and at school will become your default set of
beliefs about life.
Ø Your environment; where
you grew up and the culture of the people you grew up with will influence your
beliefs about people and other cultures.
Ø Experiences; exciting, happy as well
as traumatic experiences you went through growing up will shape your beliefs
about future events of a similar nature.
Ø Creative thinking; growing up
we all develop our own opinions about situations often as a way to develop our
independence from others. These differing opinions become your core set of
beliefs that you rely on in life to differentiate yourself from others.
Limiting and Encouraging Beliefs
Based on the above criteria, we
all have some beliefs that encourage us to move forward and take action in life
as well as beliefs that act as hurdles or stops signs that limit us from moving
forward and taking action.
Your role in coaching others is to
check in on their beliefs, motivating them with their encouraging beliefs and highlighting
their limiting beliefs so they can change them. This is the great part about
beliefs, they can change! “If you want to change how you behave, first change
what you believe. You can’t act inconsistent with what you believe.”
Examples of limiting beliefs to look out for
Ø
“I can’t achieve that much”
Ø
I won’t be able to keep that up”
Ø
“I’ve never excelled at (Y) before”
Ø
“I’m just not good/clever/attractive enough”
Ø
“I don’t see how that is possible”
Ø
“You’re
asking more than I am capable of”
The list goes on and on, but you can hear the common thread in these
beliefs is a mindset of; “can’t, won’t, not able to.” When you hear these
personal comments being spoken out loud your role is to mirror them back to the
person and stimulate them to think about the actual truth about themselves.
There is a solution to every problem, the solution usually comes when we
change and perception about the problem, which is done through changing our
limiting beliefs into encouraging.
Exercise:
What do you believe
about yourself that has limited you in your;
Career: ____________________________________________________
Relationships: _______________________________________________
Friendships: _________________________________________________
Personal Growth: ____________________________________________
Financial wellness: ___________________________________________
What is the actual
truth about why you are limited in this situation?
Career: ____________________________________________________
Relationships: _______________________________________________
Friendships: _________________________________________________
Personal Growth: ____________________________________________
Financial wellness: ___________________________________________
What new,
encouraging beliefs can you adopt to move you forward?
Career: ____________________________________________________
Relationships: _______________________________________________
Friendships: _________________________________________________
Personal Growth: ____________________________________________
Financial wellness: ___________________________________________
Checking in on your beliefs is a life-long exercise. We have beliefs
about absolutely everything in life. The purpose of checking them is so that
you can overcome hurdles, remove stop signs and move forward in improving your
performance and reaching your goals.
Your thoughts, behaviours,
results and outcomes are
entirely up to you!
